


Sense of Poise & Rationality

by thedeathrampz



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big boy is getting married, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Foot fetish if u squint but u gotta address that to our fella here not me, M/M, Sexual Content, Wedding, alternative ending, lol, what could possibly go wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 07:45:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12812883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeathrampz/pseuds/thedeathrampz
Summary: Let's just have a buzz, because by the time I'm done fucking beating myself up there'll be nothing left to love.





	1. You're Worse Than Nicotine

**Author's Note:**

> I was high on aerosols when I wrote this in August

"I know, right? We should so meet tomorrow!" Taylor said excitedly, struggling to get all of her stuff out of the car.

She left to do some shopping while Alex was still asleep, already having had in mind a meal she heard he's craving.  
She was planning to meet an old girl friend in New York while she was there for a photoshoot in the following couple of days.

"As the usual, alright?" She giggled to her friend on the phone, stopping in front of the door to search for her keys.

Alex hasn't been answering or returning her calls after she tried multiple times reaching out to ask if he wants anything in special from the market. Taylor assumed he might be still sleeping, so she didn't ring.  
She didn't want to bother him. He seemed pretty tired the night before. They had friends over and he even exhausted all the remaining energy to accord her some special attention, and the least she could do was let him rest.

"Kisses, I'm glad I could hear from you," she mimicked a smooching sound, placing her phone into her pocket and entering the house with the shopping bags.

She stepped quietly into the hallway, leaving the bags on the floor to remove the unnecessary clothes and accessories.  
With a sigh she approached the kitchen, slowing down when she heard strange noises.  
She furrowed her brows and considered taking her phone out and calling to announce an intruder, before realising it might've been Alex.

Taylor remained still when her eyes made contact with the scene.  
She gripped the bags tightly, lip quivering as she couldn't mutter a word.

The last thing she expected - more likely wanted to see, was her boyfriend having an affair with another man, and who else if not just his best friend. Bent over the counter, obviously enjoying it to the maximum. He arched his back and reached behind him the best he could so he could lock his lips with the other man's, the devotion and passion he put into his actions being even more sickening.

Maybe she didn't catch on in the first few weeks of dating Alex, but now she knew perfectly what was going on. Ever since she realised that the tension between them was so thick you could cut through it with a knife, she knew they can't be trusted.  
But she did her best. She wanted to be the best girl for Alex. After all, he never came home late without an explanation, he never came home with any sign of having had sex with another person, she couldn't blame him for something he never did.  
However, whenever she saw them getting too close, too touchy, she couldn't stand the view.  
She wasn't blind, she wasn't being oblivious - brushing it off for them being such close friends after a decade of knowing each other, she was simply being a good partner. Alex never took advantage of her kindness or the freedom she gave him.  
Or so it seemed.  
She had warned Alex that she was aware of the fact something was happening, more or less, and that if she ever found out about it in an unpleasant mode, she'd leave.

"Fuck, Taylor," Alex gasped, parting from Miles, immediately dragging his trousers back up.  
His girlfriend scoffed, looking him up and down. She wanted to slap him, cuss him out, strangle him to death, but she could barely speak.  
He was still visibly hard. Not even being caught in the act could stop his sick fantasies. Perhaps it fueled them. She moved her gaze after a sensation of sickness to her stomach which couldn't even surprise her.  
"I'm so sorry, please, give me another chance, I'll prove you I'm not like this," Turner babbled, not knowing what to say or how to react.  
_"It's not what you think it is" was too cliché. Just as what he ended up saying, but at least he was honest. It was exactly what she'd think, he wouldn't be able to explain it so he'd rather apologise and admit he's an awful partner._

With a look filled of abhorrence and a gagging reflex, she breathed in, looking into his eyes.   
"In  _our_  kitchen, Alexander? Couldn't you have the decency to keep it out of our house? You disgust me," Taylor spat, dropping her bags, running off upstairs to their room.  
"Taylor! Tay- fuck..." Alex sighed, walking to the living room.

He sat down on the settee and closed his eyes, trying to push away the killing headache he just got.  
He needed emotional release and Miles was who he needed, he was craving him, his touch, his calm voice whispering sweet nothings into his ear, same old, same old - he adored it all. It wouldn't be the first time he'd call Miles over for that, but he never expected it to go like this.  
They'd usually finish before anyone started searching for them.  
After that, they would watch crappy TV shows, cuddling on the couch in the afternoon. A friendly thing to do, of course. That wasn't something they'd want Taylor to get worried about and she never  _visibly_ acted as if it did.  
After they'd have dinner together, getting along as amazing as ever, Miles would leave and Alex would get back to his - _supposedly-_ priorities.

He loved Taylor too much to let go, though, so of course he was sad and disappointed with himself. And he loved Miles too, in a different way, but it was still a strong, burning but not only lusting, sincere type of love, so he blamed himself twice for fucking up emotionally the people he loved the most.

"Al, Alex..." Miles approached him gently, petting his hair, "It's alright," he took the seat next to him, caressing his cheeks.  
Turner hadn't realised he was crying until Miles wiped the cold tears from his face.  
"I, I... I think it's gonna be better if you leave, Mi... Please don't get mad at me, please, I'm so sorry..." Alex pleaded, leaning into his best friend's touch.  
Miles was holding him close to his chest in a way that calmed the Northerner's ugly sobbing immediately, like magic.  
"I'll go, Al. But if you need me, call me, I'll be here in no time," the Scouser assured him, pecking his lips.  
He was so calm, always knew what to say. He was, in fact, magical.  
"Thank you," Alex nodded, giving him a proper kiss, "Thank you," and another one, "Thank you..." and of course, another one, "I don't want to lose you..." Alex went on, deepening the kiss.

He was probably overreacting, but also probably not. His heart and self-esteem were really fragile, and along the years, Taylor has subtly threatened she would leave if anything happened between him and Miles, and that's the last thing he wanted - for Miles to leave him as well.

"I need you," Alex's voice cracked through kisses, shattering Miles' heart.  
"Al, look at me," the latter stopped him, gluing their foreheads together, "Everything's gonna be alright, I  _promise_ you, and I always keep my promises," Miles smirked, brushing Alex's moustache in place with his thumbs, before giving him another peck to his upper lip.  
"You always do," Alex giggled at the tenderness in Miles' gestures, standing up to hug him all the way to the door and outside of it.  
"Don't forget to call and let me know how it went," Miles blew him a kiss, which Alex caught immediately in his fist, pressing his palm to his lips.

He closed his eyes and he could still taste Miles' lips on his. He waved one last time and got back inside, deciding to go upstairs and man up.

"May I come in?" Alex knocked on the door of their bedroom.  
When he didn't get an answer, he made his way in because after all, it was his house.  
"Hey," he said, walking in slowly.  
Taylor was on her phone, staring blank-faced at it. She only raised her gaze when Alex sighed, looking down.  
"Well? Have you got nothing to say?" She queried, raising an eyebrow.  
"Sorry, sorry... I'm just thinking..." he always had a hard time expressing himself, and being rushed only made it worse.  
"You know what I said if this ever happens, right?" She put her phone down, crossing her arms.  
She hadn't cried, she was tougher than that. She wasn't sad, she was disappointed and angry.  
"I know, Taylor, that's why I came here to ask for a second chance... I really didn't want it to go like this, I'm sorry... You know I love you," Alex replied, taking her hand.  
"I do, Al," Taylor replied, squeezing his hand for a moment, "And that's why I can't understand why you did that... why here, God, I'd be less disappointed if you just told me... Have you done it before? Saw I was gone and thought you could have some fun?" She asked, pulling her hand away.  
When she didn't get an answer and Alex simply avoided her gaze again, she nodded in understatement.  
"Did you do it in our bed?" She asked, afraid to get the answer.  
Alex nodded affirmatively, shutting his eyes tightly.  
"For how long?" Taylor ran her fingers through her hair, groaning.  
"Long enough, damn it, can we not talk about this now! I just wanted to promise you it will not happen again, I'll change!" Alex insisted, sick of all the invasive questions.  
"And if I wouldn't have caught you, you wouldn't be here telling me this. Just admit you want him more, and even if I forgive you now, you will still find a way to do it," Taylor rolled her eyes, seeing right through him.  
She was smart, she knew exactly what men are like, and she wasn't going to fall for such excuses so easily.  
"No, this made me realise it was wrong, I wasn't thinking right but now I know it shouldn't have happened," Turner tried again.  
"Will Miles understand?" Taylor asked.  
"He will, for me," Alex sighed, maintaining eye-contact the whole time.  
"You might be right, it's obvious that he loves you... do you love him, Al?" That was her last question, and depending on Alex's answer it could be the last question for now, or forever.  
"Do you love him, Alex?" She asked again, when her boyfriend didn't answer.  
"I love him, I really do, but it's nowhere close to the way I love you, it's definitely not like that," he admitted, inching closer.  
Taylor nodded and leaned in, kissing him with a small smile.  
She might be mad but if Alex actually didn't care, he wouldn't have tried to convince her like this.

And it was true. He loved Miles, but not the way he loved Taylor.  
One was his choice, the other was chance, destiny, call it what you will - soulmate, even. So that wasn't a lie.

"But I think we need a break. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow anyways, although that might be a bad idea. But I trust you, Alex. This is your second chance to prove me you want to change," Taylor kept distance.  
"Right, don't you worry about anything, I'll be good. I love you," Alex admitted, kissing her again.

He got up and left, walking downstairs.  
He returned to the settee, laid down, starting to cry until he was numb and dry of any will or motivation to go on with the day.  
He will need to find a way to talk to Miles, explain it all nicely. He had his hestiations in the past too, but Miles' insistence always excited him to no end. He felt so happy to know someone wanted him as much as he wanted them.  
He adored the way Miles treated him as if he was a prince, he loved how much pressure was relieved off his shoulders when he was around him.  
Miles put him in his place with so much conviction, he was so direct and never put any stress on Alex about anything they did. There wasn't a time when things got weird, and Alex felt he was blessed as much as he was cursed.  
He became attached to people very easily, and that's why he couldn't give up anyone. He waited for the feeling to be mutual, and he would let his partner address the elephant in the room.

After a couple of days, the house was empty and dull. Alex was almost going insane from the same tick-tock from the clock over and over again.  
The bed was cold at night, the settee was too uncomfortable in the afternoon, the radio was so boring and so was the TV in the morning.  
He had nothing to do, and only because of a  _'Give me some time, I'll write you back'_ text he sent Miles in the morning when Taylor left.

And that was a stupid move. He wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't texting or calling Miles, and Miles didn't bother to even ask why. He was so mad. Does he not care enough to at least question it?  
Alex shook the thought out of his head, taking his phone out.  
His mates had texted him about going out in a pub, and like hell if he had any intention of leaving the house.  
He saw no text from Miles, so he decided to go search for his notebook and write down some words that were running through his mind.   
His best friend had taught him how to use the  _'notes'_ feature on his iPhone but he found it nowhere as helpful as the paper. He was a slow-typer too, so writing was easier.

The Scouser would always make fun of him for not being  _'trendy'_ and still using the old methods, but the way he approached the subject, the innocent jokes were actually making Alex's heart melt.  
He said he found it cute, and would emphasise his point with sweet, quick kisses all over Alex's face.  
"God," Turner sighed, hiding his face in his hands.  
He was blushing like a teen just thinking of Miles' endearing gestures.

"That must be me," the man on his mind made his way somehow into the living room where Alex was contemplating his life.  
"Holy shit, you scared me!" Alex shouted, calming down, "Wait, how'd you get into my house?!"  
" _How'd you get into me house,_ " Miles mocked, making Alex pout, "You gave me a copy of your key the day I moved to LA, ye bastard," he explained, approaching Alex, hitting him on the back of his head.  
He smirked at the small "ow" he emitted, occupying the whole couch as he laid down, stretching his legs in Turner's lap.  
"Shoes off me," the latter complained, hitting his leg.  
"Oh, oh... I'm so old and weathered, do you mind..." Miles dragged out his words dramatically, waving his hand to his shoes.  
"You're such a sloth," Alex laughed, taking his loafers off.  
"So I'm guessing your break from me is over?" Miles giggled.  
"Well, you got into my house without my consent but I can't bring myself to kick you out," Turner admitted, "You're wearing the socks I got you for Christmas last year," he chuckled, taking them off. They had a funny, childish pattern of puppies all over them, on a dark blue background.  
"I always liked them," he hummed as Alex massaged the bridge of his foot, thumb going over the inside arch, "Sorry to bring it up, but how did it go with Taylor?"  
"Mi... do you mind if we talk about something else for a while?" Alex moved his hand up, over his ankles and to his calf, massaging gently.  
"Like the fact you completely ignored me after not giving some details or at least try to talk with me about it?" Miles queried, knowing how passive-aggressive he was being.  
"Mi..." Alex sighed, crossing his arms.  
"Ah, c'mon love, I'm sorry," Kane apologised, tapping his foot on Alex's thigh.

He continued brushing his foot up and down, until he reached Alex's crotch.  
He massaged it with the heel of his foot, smirking at the way his friend began moaning and sighing.  
"Ye dirteh old man," Miles bit his lip, "Didn't know you've got a thing for it."  
"Shut up," the other man shushed him, thrusting his hips up subtly.

Miles moved his position, crawling in Alex's lap. He began grinding against him, shutting him up with a deep kiss.  
Turner reacted, moving his hands to Miles' thighs, and higher until he could squeeze his bum.  
"Mm, there, there, cowboy," Miles stopped him, teasingly licking his lips when parting just a few millimeters, "I'm still in full control," he added, catching Alex's wrists, pinning them near his head.  
"Fuck... let me touch you, please, just a little," the Northerner fought, until Miles let go.  
Alex moved his hands to his back instead, hugging him tightly. He began kissing his neck, twisting and turning so he was hovering above Miles, in between his legs.  
"Alright, Al, I don't quite understand where this is coming from," the younger man giggled, just a bit nervous.  
"Don't worry, Mi, you'll have your way with me in a bit, let me just..." Alex assured him, running his hands under his shirt, continuing to kiss his neck.

He gave in, seeing how desperate Alex became. He was groaning and panting from just kissing and grinding, so Miles brought his body closer, holding him in order to calm him down.  
"Slower, love, or you're gonna have a heart-attack," Miles kissed his cheek, running his fingers through his hair.  
"I want you... I want you so bad," Alex muttered, biting his lip as he rested his chin on Miles' chest. He continued rubbing his hips up and down, purring at the sensation.  
"You're so pretty," the latter admitted, making the small smirk fade from his face, a red tint in his cheeks replacing it.

Miles went on complimenting everything about him - the depth of his eyes, his  _perfect_ facial structure, how he would say, his soft lips, as well as the freckles under them, his beard - which actually made him look a bit older but still handsome - and he could've went on forever if it hadn't been for Alex to stop him with a kiss.

"Tell me you love me," Miles ordered, thrusting inside of him, now above him on the couch.  
Alex's heart almost skipped a beat, dizzy and intoxicated with lust.

"Huh...?"  
"Tell me you love me, Alex... You love me, don't you?" Kane furrowed his brows, slowing his movements.  
"Uh-huh," Turner nodded, only then realising he made a promise just days ago.  
"Well, then tell me."  
"I... Miles, I..." Alex squeezed his shoulders, shutting his eyes.  
"You...?" The Scouser was becoming rather uncomfortable with the boy's hesitation. He had told him he loved him before, but he was starting to question what he actually meant with those words.  
"I-I'm sorry..." Alex's eyes welled up with tears, leading Miles to one sad conclusion.  
"You don't love me."  
"Miles..." Alex caught his wrist before he could leave him, "Miles, I can explain... I... okay, maybe I can't, but please..."  
"Let go," Kane insisted, slipping out of him, beginning to put his clothes on, "Using me for your own pleasure, huh? Now that your lady friend isn't here? Bet she forgave you, eh? Don't even justify to me how. I can already imagine you mercilessly lying to her while also lying to yourself, and indirectly to me. You self-absorbed scum," Miles snarled, not hesitating to slap him.

Alex stood on the settee naked, stunned, not daring to move or talk. He was utterly disappointed with himself. He wanted to isolate himself from everything, but he couldn't let Miles go like that. He put on his briefs, trying to gain more courage in the meantime.  
"Miles," he called.  
"The hell do you want now?" Kane replied, stopping when he reached the door.  
Alex walked over to him, head hanging low in shame.  
"I'm sorry," he muttered, trying to take Miles' hand, only to be pushed away.  
"I heard you the first time," Miles rolled his eyes, grabbing the knob.  
"I love you," Alex rushed, slamming his palm on the door, "I fucking love you and you must be bloody mad if you can't see it," he snapped.  
"Do you?" Miles questioned, beginning to feel slightly sorry for reacting like that.  
"I do. I love you so much. I'm just trying to protect you... I don't want to make another bad move and make you think I don't mean these words, I don't want to hurt you," Alex shook his head, sniffling, "Now get out of me damn house, I'm upset with you."  
"Only if you promise me we'll go somewhere fancy tonight. Just us," Miles grabbed his waist, smiling.  
"Wherever you want," Alex agreed with a kiss.

.  
.

 _"Will you marry me?"_   _Alex asked, smiling up at her._  
_"Damn it, Alexander... always surprising me..." Taylor was on the verge of tears, so she nodded, "Yes."_  
_He got up from his knee and put the ring on her finger, kissing her hand._

He remembered those moments vividly. Only a few weeks after their fight, he had committed to settling down, doing it for the best. He was almost 32, he had to start making better choices, he had to think about his present as well as future.  
He would want a wife, children, a casual family by the age of 35.  
Maybe it was a bit too usual and basic, but with age he became less of a risk-taker.  
He thought it was the good thing to do; however, his heart was completely opposed to that idea.  
He knew he was truly selfish, only thinking about himself and how great his life has to be.

On the night when all of these thoughts appeared, he was on a  _date_  with Miles.  
It was months ago, but it was both a pleasant and unpleasant memory that he had to live with for the rest of his life.

_"Do you like it here? I know you were talking to me about it when I moved. You said you really wanted to come here, but it was always too far and you didn't have time. And besides that, your bird doesn't like the neighbourhood," Miles giggled, "But I knew you wanted to try the food, although you never mentioned Lebanese cuisine before," he added._  
_"Do you remember all that?" Alex chuckled, taking a sip of the wine Miles had ordered, "Damn, this is good_ _," he hummed. He didn't drink too much, only a few sips so he wouldn't get too dizzy; he had to drive after all._  
_"Well of course I do. Whenever you tell me about something you like I become the best listener! Remember that black Caddy you showed me a while ago?" Miles wiggled his brows, containing his laugh when Alex almost choked, "Just kidding Al, I didn't buy you a car..." he assured him, "It can wait until your birthday!" He winked._  
_"Miles, stop it..." he blushed._  
_He knew Miles was only kidding, but he was always being so nice and attentive, and he truly made amazing gifts. Alex was quite a materialist although he didn't want to admit, but his friend could tell anyways._

_"Want some dessert?" Miles asked, staring fondly at his boy._  
_"Stop spoiling me, I don't deserve any of this," Turner slapped his hand that he was leaning his head on, waking him from his trance._  
_"You kind of don't, but I will do it anyways. I love you, Alex," Miles whispered, taking his hand._  
_Alex retracted his hand, looking down again._  
_"This shite again, Alexander?" The Scouser crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair._  
_"Miles, please understand... I'm just so unsure... undecided..." he_ _muttered, not wanting to have a loud fight in front of other civilised people who came there for a good night._  
_"I don't like being plan B, nor would I want Taylor to be it. Just make up your mind and stop toying with the both of us. I won't share you, neither will she. Just make up your mind already, it would be more fair and mature of you," Miles retorted, glaring at him, "I wish I could leave but this place is expensive so I can't get a cab all the way home, and you're the one driving," he smirked._  
_"I can pay for both the dinner and your cab..." Alex shrugged, subtly wiping his_ _tears_.  
_"I told you, there's no need for that. I did this for you, and just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I love you any less," Miles rolled his eyes, "Maybe we'll need a break after this, though. I'm exhausted. You go back home, get your shit together and call me after, no matter what your choice was."_  
_Alex nodded, emitting low, choked sobs._  
_"Don't cry, Al... Mainly because people are staring and they might think I'm not right in the head, but also because you've no reason to ruin those pretty eyes of yours. It will be fine, just... Give it some time. Give us some time," Miles kissed his hand, getting a small_ _in return._

They also ended up together at Alex's place, after he had insisted so much.

_"Sleep with me? Please, only tonight," the man pleaded, placing his hand on Miles' nape, pulling him closer._  
_"Are we going to actually sleep?" The Scouser smirked._  
_"Maybe," Alex brushed his nose_ _against Miles'._  
_Truth be told, he had insisted so much because he was already planning on avoiding him later._

_Alex was already in bed, by the time his friend had finished showering, back turned to the bathroom._  
_Miles got in next to him, sighing as he relaxed on his side._  
_Alex turned to face him, clinging and wrapping around him like a koala, tangling their legs._  
_"I missed this..." he whispered, gently thrusting his bare hips against the Scouser's._  
_Miles giggled at how aroused he was, hard and ready._  
_Both had their hands roaming on the other, moaning in between their wet kisses._

_Alex yelped at the feeling of Miles' cock poking against his entrance, reaching to open himself up. He had took him raw before, so he knew he had to relax in order to not make it worse._  
_Miles slipped in somewhat more easily than expected, thanks to the spit he rubbed their dicks together with._

_Minutes later both of their orgasms were approaching._  
_"Deeper, fuck," Alex groaned, rolling to meet Miles' moves as deep as possible inside of him._  
_He stopped the younger man when he tried to pull out, moving on top of him. He rode him until he came and filled Alex up with his cum, at the same time as him._  
_Turner moaned one last time in Miles' ear, biting his lobe softly and smiling at how the man twitched inside of him._

_"You always feel so good," Miles tugged on his hair, tilting his chin to kiss Alex's head._  
_"That was great, Mi..." he nuzzled into his chest, pecking his skin, "Good night."_

"Look at you, so handsome... Are you nervous?" Miles made his way into the room, checking on his  _soon-to-be-married_ best friend.  
It was the big day, and Alex was standing in front of the mirror, exercising his vows.  _And overthinking the past way too much_ _, as much as cherishing it to the point he was already releasing pre-cum beneath his briefs._  
"You're here, thank God..." Alex sighed in relief, walking to the door to greet Miles.  
They hugged tightly, and Turner wished it would've lasted forever - or at least enough so he wouldn't have to face all those people and become a nervous mess.  
"Thanks for making me your best man, I'm more than happy for you," Miles faked his best of smiles, patting Alex's head.  
"I wouldn't have dreamed to have anyone else replace you. You're a good friend, Miles," Alex nodded, taking a moment to look into his eyes.

"Right, so are you done here?" Kane looked away and parted, knowing very well the look in Alex's eyes.  
"I'm struggling, actually. I'm so nervous, I don't want to start babbling like an idiot but I can't understand my own writing. But do I look okay?" Turner needed to be reassured, he felt as if he was going to faint in any moment.

He loved the way Miles looked him up and down. They haven't seen each other too often after that one date, but he still felt so vulnerable under his gaze.

_They would always find a way to avoid each other, mostly Alex. Even if they were supposed to be in the same place, they wouldn't even look at the other._  
_It was quite concerning and sudden._  
_"Alex, Miles just texted me saying he can't reach you, did you block his number?"_  
_"Might've," Alex replied bluntly_ _from the other room._  
_"He says you haven't talked in weeks, why is that? He wants to come over," Taylor announced._  
_"No! Just tell him I'm not in the mood."_  
_"Why? Is it because of me? Alex, if you've got anything to work on, I won't keep y-"_  
_"God damn, I said I'm not in the mood! We're not doing anything now, so I don't want to talk to him!"_ _He shouted, slamming the door shut._

Alex shook the memory out, covering his face and groaning. How could he ask Miles to be his best man after not talking for months? He was such an idiot, but there was no turning back anyways.  
"Why did you accept to be my best man? I treated you so badly. I told you I would change, I told myself too. I said it won't happen again, I won't hurt you anymore. And yet I did it again, I acted like a damn fool... Miles, I'm not worthy. Whatever you see in me has never been and never will be a real thing. I'm utter t-"  
"Alex, will you fuck off with that?" He rolled his eyes, "D'you think I'm here to hear you mourn over the past? I'm over it, I'm still your friend and I... care about your feelings," Miles explained, getting quite agitated by the end of it.  
"I'm sorry, I'm just... such a mess..."  
"You shouldn't be thinking about me right now. It's your big day. Yours and Taylor's. I'm proud of you," the Scouser got up, walking over to him.

Alex's breath hitched in his throat when Miles looked down at him, so closely. He smelled so good, and he looked even better. Alex tried not to look anywhere else but his eyes, but when Miles licked his lips, it became impossible.  
His conscience wouldn't let him sleep at night if he made a wrong move.  _But what could the wrong move be? Miles rejecting him... or Taylor? But Taylor wasn't there..._  
"You're sweating," Miles whispered, pressing his forehead to Alex's, rubbing.  
"Then why are you doing that?" Turner muttered, struggling to keep his eyes open when the tips of their noses touched.  
"I think it's sexy," Kane giggled, parting after a moment, "You look really good, prince."  
"Ta'..." Alex stared at him in awe, an incredibly uncomfortable feeling hovering above him.  
He hated it, he felt as if he was going to throw up, but he knew not even that would help. He felt as if he was going to burst out of his skin the more he looked at Miles. Although he knew he shouldn't do it, the angel and the devil on his shoulders kept fighting, overwhelming him.

"Miles, I... I think I'm gonna..." he couldn't finish his sentence before his knees failed him and he fell.  
It was only for a couple of moments, and he was, fortunately, perfectly conscious when he opened his eyes.  
"Thank God... I was worrying you're gonna be out for more time... What happened? Did you eat anything today? Is it too warm in here?" Miles started firing questions.  
"Kiss me," Alex whispered, coming to his senses.  
"What?" Kane sat up, but the other man protested, tugging on his blazer.  
"Kiss me, please, I might lose my mind if you don't," Alex's eyes were already in tears as he pleaded.  
"Now? Damn, Al, today? How can you say that with so much nonchalance? It wouldn't be right, I have my standards..."  
The Northerner nodded, apologising as he got up from the floor.  
"I'll see you in a couple of hours, thanks for coming over," Turner mumbled, exiting the room.

Miles shook his head in disappointment, mostly in himself. He wanted to help Alex, but at the same time, he was as selfish as ever. He still thought he can just get people do whatever he ordered and that made Miles angry. However, a kiss wouldn't kill anyone... He tried hiding his ache for one too, but when Alex pleaded like that, he almost gave in.  
But it was too late to regret that now. He had to get his stuff ready and drive to where everyone was.

It was an outdoors wedding, just like Alex's fiancée wished for.  
It was outside a hotel, in a huge garden, full of flowers arrangements. There were benches for the families and friends, all under a covered bower.  
In the hotel they would go party and eat until the morning, but also sleep over in the booked rooms for whoever needed to drive the other day.  
Outside of the gazebo there was a small arbour, where the groomsmen and bridesmaids would wait and get ready.

"Don't you look stunning!" Taylor's friends showered her in compliments, some with tears in their eyes.  
"Thank you so much for being here, girls. I almost can't believe this is happening. I'm so happy to have you all here," she thanked them, all joining a group hug.  
"Are you ready?" Her friends asked excitedly.  
"Never been more," Taylor inhaled and exhaled deep breaths before going out.

As soon as she stepped on the shining, white aisle, all the eyes were on her. Alex, who was by the bower, gasped, a wide smile on his face. He couldn't believe that was happening - to him, out of all the people. He was blown away by his fiancée's appearance. Her long white dress only made her face glow more than it was already from happiness.

After the souls had calmed down and there was silence, the Priest began,  
"Dear friends and family, we gather here to unite these two people in marriage."

Miles smiled from his side, trying to hide the obvious ache in his heart. As happy as he was for Alex, he had to admit it was hard for him to fully accept this as their present.

"Marriage, ideally, is a sharing of responsibilities, hopes, and dreams. It takes a special effort to grow together, survive hard times, and be   
loving and unselfish," the Priest continued.

Alex couldn't take his eyes off his soon-to-be-wife. Everything around him had dissipated into a void, he was blinded by the look of the future, better said present.

"Would it be alright if we begin with the Bride?" The officiant asked, looking at the two.  
"Absolutely," Taylor answered excitedly.  
"Very good, then. Do you, Taylor, take Alexander to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
"I do!" She exclaimed, wiping her tears.

When the words were repeated to Alex, the man's hands froze while they were holding Taylor's warm ones. That's when he realised, there is one single step between officially committing to settling down.

He was hoping that question would never come.  
He looked at all the people he left in suspension, his fiancée, the officiant, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen... before finally looking into Miles' eyes.  
With tears in his eyes, he turned his head so he can face Taylor. He wishes not only the image of Miles would've replaced her, but the man himself.  
She smiled gently, squeezing his hands. She thought the wedding nerves and jitters finally touched him, as it was the big question. Although she was getting impatient and uneasy, she could wait for him.

"I..." Alex breathed in deeply, closing his eyes - the same image of Miles in his black suit rushing through his mind.  
" ** _I do._** "

Miles felt his heart shattering, doing his best in not leaving tears stream down his face. He had to carry the rings after all.

And when the rings were exchanged and the ceremony was finished, everyone cheered and congratulated the newly wedded couple.

Once the music was on and the food was all around, Alex began searching for Miles. He was nowhere to be found, so he excused himself after the  _first dance_ , going to look for his friend.

He found him outside, by the arbour. He was just finishing a cigarette, carrying a briefcase with him.  
Miles was on his way to leave the place, before Alex called out for him.  
"Miles! Miles, wait!" He ran, catching his wrist and turning him around to face him.  
"Where are you going?" Alex asked, placing his hand on his shoulders, squeezing tightly.  
Both were emotionally exhausted as much as they were physically after such a busy day, in which they shed too many bitter tears.  
"I don't feel like I belong here, Alex. You're a married man now, while I'm still lusting after you from the depths of my heart. I want you to be happy, so for that, I want our relationship to remain strictly professional. I can't be your friend, it would ruin me. I thought well about it. I want you to focus on your future and your wife. You deserve to be happy. I wish you the best," Miles explained, pressing his lips to Alex's for the last time.

When he felt cold tears between their faces, Kane parted, smiling although his eyes were full of bleakness and sorrow.  
"Miles..." Alex sobbed, tugging on his sleeves, "Miles, don't leave..."  
"The absolute best. I love you, Alexander David Turner," Miles waved once, walking away.  
"Miles," his voice cracked, but he didn't have the power to stop him anymore.

 _ **"I love you, too,"**_  the words rang in his head as he began walking back to the hotel. 


	2. Alternative Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy happy

_She thought the wedding nerves and jitters finally touched him, as it was the big question. Although she was getting impatient and uneasy, she could wait for him._

_"I..." Alex breathed in deeply, closing his eyes - the same image of Miles in his black suit rushing through his mind._  
"I can't do this," Alex shook his head, running outisde past everyone in the gazebo.

Taylor remained still, until she broke out into tears. The bridesmaids went to her to calm her down, while Miles assured them he'll talk to Alex.

"Al? Alexander?" He called, looking around. As he turned the corner, Alex was in the arbour, crying into his hands.  
"Al? What's wrong?" Miles asked, concerned.  
"I can't do it, Miles... I can't marry Taylor," Turner sobbed at his confession, "I failed again... I disappoint everyone, it happens all the time... She will hate me forever, I'll have no one, I'm not trustworthy. I'm a mess, Mi," he tugged on the collar of his shirt.  
"Come here, Aly, you're just stressed. It's a big decision but you will-"  
"I do  _not_ want to marry her. I... I just don't..." the Northerner sighed, stressed with how unable he was to admit what he actually felt.  
"Let's not make decisions now. Come on, calm down, think better and then we'll go back there. No matter of your choice, we'll have to talk to everyone who attended. I know it'll be unpleasant, but we have to be respectful," Miles chuckled, sitting down next to Alex.  
He held him close, kissing his head to soothe him.  
Alex immediately felt so much better, and he didn't need to double-check to know it. He was sure, he just wanted to word it.  
"Miles... listen to me... I'll tell you something, and I want you to pay attention to me," Alex began, wiping his tears.  
"Of course," Miles assured him, rubbing his back as the boy sat up to face him.

"You are the reason I can't go there and continue. You are the only reason I can't commit to my actual fiancée. You're the one I'll blame for fucking me up like this. I'm absolutely mad about you," he smirked, while the Scouser stared nervously, "Truth is, you're the one I actually need... I'm craving you every single day and night, but I just didn't want to let myself understand that. I won't disappoint you again, I'll make the good choice now..." he inhaled sharply, " ** _I love you._** _I want to marry you,_  and only you, Miles Peter Kane. I wouldn't be able to survive without you, I'm addicted. I feel so safe and content when you're with me. I can't get enough of anything you do. I need you to be the one I wake up to every morning, otherwise I don't want to wake up again. I might forget to listen or forget to share. I might not always agree, and I might be stubborn and a cunt, but I will always love you and I won't let you forget. You're the culmination of all I've ever wanted, Miles. If I have you, I don't need anything else..." he giggled, remembering a few words of Shakespeare, " _If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved."_

Miles' nervous expression twisted into a wide smile as he contained his laughter. Not because Alex said something stupid, but because he never said something more beautiful.  
"You're such a dramatic twat, Alex... But I love you too, I love you more than anyone and anything, but you know that already. I tell you all the time. Every day I woke up and you were still avoiding me, I'd get my phone, type you a text to remind you I love you, and then I'd delete it because I knew the error message would pop up. I just needed to do it, I wanted to remember myself how much I love you. In all those days, there hasn't been a time in which I didn't feel like doing it. This simply showed me I'm also quite caught up on you, Mr. Turner," he pat his head and caressed his face, letting Alex nuzzle into his hand.  
"Well... Will you marry me, Miles?" The older man asked, dropping to one knee, "I don't have the rings, but I don't think they mean more than my promise of eternal love," he smiled.  
"Yes, Alex. I will marry you," Miles answered with no hesitation.

Turner got up slowly, unable to process what had just happened. He sat in the other man's lap and kissed him, not caring about anything else.  
"Are you happy?" Alex asked.  
"I'm happy if you are," Miles replied, holding his waist.  
"Never been happier," he leaned in again, stopping when he heard a loud yell cussing him out.

He turned around and spotted Taylor throwing her flower bouquet on the ground, as well as her heels,  
"You're utter trash, Alex Turner! You can rot in hell, for all I care!" She shouted, running to the hotel.

Alex shrugged and mouthed a  _"_ _sorry"_ to his parents before kissing Miles again.  
"I love you," he whispered against his lips.  
 **"I love you too."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome.

**Author's Note:**

> This story will have an alternative ending for the poor souls.


End file.
